Lai-bore Polly Ticks Outbreak

Update on Lai-bore Polly Ticks outbreak.

Australian Polly Ticks outbreak

Customs officials in Australia have yet to confirm that an outbreak of Lai-bore Polly Ticks was discovered on Parliament Drive in Canberra around 3 p.m. on Monday, March 27, 2023.

The dreaded Lai-bore Polly Ticks are thought to have arrived in Australia via wooden smuggler boats, which have been spotted in large numbers at Balmoral Beach, Mosman, NSW, since Saturday, May 21, 2022.

Pest control experts believe the Lai-bore Polly Ticks would have spent months walking from Mosman to an undisclosed political office at Horden Place, Camperdown, NSW, and then latched themselves onto several electric vehicles that then travelled 300km to Canberra.

Due to the ideal conditions for such creatures in the Nation’s Capital, these ticks multiplied and spread quickly once they arrived in Canberra.

Health advice regarding Lai-bore Polly Ticks

Australian voters are encouraged to check themselves daily for Lai-bore Polly Ticks. These ticks will only be visible on the outside of your body for a short period of time. They enter your body and travel through the bloodstream to your brain after becoming accustomed to your social media habits.

Lai-bore Polly Ticks will attach to your brain’s left side and inject harmful green and teal toxins into your brain, causing irrational behaviour. Lai-bore Polly Ticks can cause severe allergic reactions to natural gas and electricity in some people.  

Another noticeable symptom of people suffering from Lai-bore Polly Ticks is their spending habits.   Those affected will only fill their shopping trolleys with green items and will be unable to do anything that does not involve green colours.

How to quickly identify Lai-Bore Polly Ticks.

When in the presence of other humans, Lai-Bore Polly Ticks will always change colour.

When isolated, they will often present themselves as red in colour.

If Lai-bore Polly Ticks come into contact with rich humans, they will become slightly less red, are more conservatively reddish colour.

Lai-bore Polly Ticks will often turn themselves into a strong bluish red to attract billionaire human hosts.

In heavily crowded areas, where young humans are present, they will always turn into a greenish colour.

Some Lai-Bore Poly Ticks have been observed to become entirely green in colour once every 4 years.

There have been reports of Teal-colored Lai-Bore Polly Ticks on Sydney’s north shore, but it appears that the mini outbreak is now under control.

There have been 5 reports of hybrid Green/Red/Teal Lai-Bore Polly Ticks in Canberra.

It is critical that the voting public avoid any contact with the hybrid of the species. The hybrids are easy to spot because they will walk in circles and appear to be very confused.

If you come across any Hybrid Lai-Bore Polly Ticks, contact your local Liber Ale distributor right away. If a Liber Ale representative is unable to assist, contact Paulee at the Parasitic Horrendous Organism Neutralisation (PHON) company.

Treatment of Lai-bore Polly Ticks.

The only clinic in Australia capable of removing Lai-bore Polly Ticks from the human brain is based in Tasmania.    Little is known about the Lai-bore Polly Ticks removal procedure outside of Tasmania but the rumored medical solution is said to involve a broth that is made from Liber Ale and can only be performed by a fully licensed Tasmanian Publican or bottle shop attendant.

This is the unverified procedure we recently came across this morning:

1.     The affected left side of the brain is carefully removed.

2.    The brain is then immersed into 375ml of ice cold Liber Ale.

3.    The Liber Ale soaked brain is then seared on a hot metal plate at around 300 degrees Celsius.

4.    The searing process continues until all Lai-bore Polly Ticks have released their grip on the affected person’s brain.

5.     The left side of the brain is then reinserted into the patient.

6.    The patient will then spend 8 days at the clinic on a strict diet of Liber Ale and meat pies.

Problems associated with long term infection via Lai-bore Polly Ticks.

Liber Ale researchers are now concerned that if Lai-bore Polly Ticks remain attached to the left side of the brain for an extended period of time, it may weaken the immune system. They are concerned that people with weakened immune systems are more likely to contract Sawtov Brain Flu or the dreadful Energy Avoidance Syndrome Virus.

Financial institution consultants are increasingly worried that economic stress will exacerbate the symptoms of Lai-bore politics. Their concerns are centered on senior central banking executives’ recent behavior, and they are now seeking assistance.

The Australian government has been approached to address the exorbitant cost of antiviral drugs.

The banking sector plan is to either send all key personnel to a Tasmanian clinic for Tick removal or make regular anti-viral treatments mandatory for anyone in Australia who has a role that can affect interest rates or inflation.

Senior managers at hospitals and retirement communities are extremely concerned about any government officials contracting the Energy Avoidance Syndrome Virus in the run-up to winter. According to them, blackouts may occur as a result of infected officials taking actions that will decimate Australia’s ability to produce reliable base load power.

There are legitimate concerns that infected officials may not fully comprehend the importance of electricity in hospitals and nursing homes.

Most emergency and operating room equipment requires electricity, and doctors will not tolerate blackouts when attempting to save people’s lives.

We may need to seek advice from the supremely powerful voice.

The supremely powerful voice is the newest Artificial Intelligence Safeguard Mechanism computing system developed by the gang-green software company for the federal government.

The supremely powerful voice AI is hoped to be able to identify any high risk areas in the Australian outback where outbreaks of Lai-bore Polly Ticks, Sawtov Brain Flu, or Energy Avoidance Syndrome Virus could be disastrous.

There are serious concerns that people attending meetings in Canberra twice a year may be unaware that people living in Australia’s most remote areas require electricity and natural gas just as much as those living in cities.

Medical researchers are bracing for the worst and investigating whether the contentious New Clear treatment for similar Polly Ticks based ailments may be the best way forward.   These researchers have also contacted the CSIRO to discover whether there are any new developments with Lai-Bore Polly Ticks treatments involving the burning of coal.   They have also reached out to the Net Zero Agency – Division 6 to see if they can offer any help.

Australians will be able to vote on the best cure for Lai-bore Polly Ticks.

Saturday, May 21, 2026 has been set aside for Australian voters to have their say on how to proceed in light of the numerous problems now confronting the country.

This will be a nation-wide vote on what to do about Lai-Bore Polly Ticks, Sawtov Brain Flu and the potentially deadly Energy Avoidance Syndrome Virus.

If the spread of Lai-Bore Politics cannot be stopped, the only other option voters may have is to demand a medical vote of no confidence.

To force a national motion of medical no confidence, all Australians must contact their local health care professionals and arrange for as many of them to gather in Canberra as possible.  

A gathering of at least 151 medical professionals is required, and if voters can persuade 76 of these participants to agree, the motion will pass.

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[…] Dan had no idea what was wrong with him, and he began to feel as useless as an Emerald Class Sydney Ferry. He began to doubt his ability to be happy again, and to make matters worse, after walking his dog in the park one morning, he returned home to find himself covered in Ticks. […]











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