Australia will revert back to UK Management

Australia set to revert back to UK Management in 2024

Location of Australia Pty Ltd

The incredibly long British experiment with Australia that has lasted 122 years has completely failed.

Australia decided that it was all grown up, well and truly capable of looking after itself and became a nation on 01-Jan-1901.  

The English overlords didn’t see the harm in letting Australia emancipate itself at the time.   They were probably thinking, ‘How much harm could a bunch of clueless kids do down there?  They are surrounded by water after all.  

So began the Australia experiment and the Australia Show has been airing on BBC9 for the last 65 years with naturally mixed reviews.

So Australia was allowed to give the sauce bottle a fair old shake for 122 years with no parent country involved to evaluate their performance and tell them if we’re doing a good job or not.  

Australia has at best managed a 2 star rating with the job the job they done being independent.   Yet somehow they found a way to win the America’s Cup in 1983.

Aside from that one accomplishment, the Australia experiment failed miserably, completely lost its way, and English viewers have been voting with their TV remote controls, all but 38 British citizens have now stopped watching.

Via a secret English ballot, the majority of English tax payers have passed a vote of no confident in Australia and this has triggered reclamation actions which are set to be concluded on the 6th March 2024.

BBC9 advises that they will be replacing the Australia Show with re-runs of M.A.S.H. and Bewitched.

Things have never been the same in Australia since they showed little Johnny the door, which was probably one of our dumbest decisions ever.

That’s what happens though when you leave a bunch of immature kids to their own devices.

Aside from John, Bob and Paul also did a good job running Australia, but sadly they never gave Tony much of a chance.

Giving John, Bob, Paul, and Tony a seat at the head of the table was really the only times Australia showed any signs of maturity in their electoral voting.

On top of Australia not having much clout when it comes to knowing what they want at the highest levels of management, they’re also absolute oxygen thieves when it comes to sorting things out at the state or local levels of management.

With that in mind, it’s time for all Australians to stop all this messing about, and they need to tuck their collective tails in between their legs and accept what’s coming their way.

Given how bad things are at the moment, there is no chance that English Tax Payers will allow Australia to continue on as a self managed County, let alone a Country, that would be just like throwing more fuel on an out of control fire.

However, one very good option being considered is for Australia to become a wholly owned subsidiary of the English government.  

The management of Australia Pty Ltd

Australia Pty Ltd would not need a CEO as that would be his Majesty.

All Australia would need is a manager for each of the 7 production areas.   No Politicians, GM’s, No VP’s, No Executives of any kind, all those decisions would be made by the English Owners. 

It is worth nothing that the minimum education requirements for a production manager are a Doctorate in Business Administration as well as a degree in Project Management. 

Production Area managers will have a partial say in who works for them only.   A Team of 7 people will be involved with the appointment of all roles at Production Area Level (State Level)

1.    Production Manager

2.    Human Resources Manager (Production Area)

3.    UK Production Specialist

4.    UK Efficiency Expert

5.    UK Member of Parliament

6.    UK Legal Representative

7.    UK Workers Rights Representative (there will no longer be Unions)

All 25 Million inhabitants of Australia would then become employees of Australia Pty Ltd and assigned to their respective production areas.   Unless of course they are children at school, retired workers (age pensioners) or unable to work due to an ability impairment (off on compo) or in designated company training programs (teaching people about life not on the dole).  

All Cities and Towns will be known as Profit Centres.

Each Profit Centre will be managed by:

1.    Operations Supervisor

2.    Maintenance Supervisor

3.    Human Resources Supervisor

4.    Health, Safety, Environment & Community Supervisor

For the larger Profit Centres such as Sydney, Melbourne & Brisbane, their geographical areas will be evenly split up into Profit Centre Divisions and an Operations and Maintenance Coordinator will be assigned to each division.

All workers for Australia Pty Ltd will be very well looked after, as follows:

A.   Free Company Internet – filtered during work hours and unrestricted during non-work hours.

B.   Free company phones – unlimited everything.

C.    Free Utilities (Power, Water, Sewerage, Waste Management etc)

D.   Company housing, 10% of your annual salary

E.   Free company car (Bio Diesel/Battery Hybrid or Bio Diesel)

F.    Lawn and garden maintenance will be provided by the company once a week.

G.   Any employee who does not have a company home will be in violation of company policy. It will be mandated that all employees be given every opportunity to be fit for work every day, and that they be provided with the bare minimum of living and accommodation standards.  This will resolve any issues Australia used to have with what was called, ‘Homeless People’.

H.   Every employee in Australia Pty Ltd will be given access to the company’s CMMS software (see details below)

All Australia Pty Ltd employees will be able to initiate work requests

Once an Australian Made software product is decided upon to be the asset management system for Australia Pty Ltd, all active employees will be trained in its usage.   Role based profiles will be assigned and this will manage access permissions and financial approval limits.

All active employees will be able to report any issues, defect, pot holes in roads, household repairs, essential service problems, damage to Australia Pty Ltd property etc immediately via either the desktop PC version of the software or via the apps on personal electronic devices such as phones or tablets.

A quick overview of the employee structure.

There will only be 4 types of employees at Australia Pty Ltd.

1.    Active Employees

2.    Retired Employees

3.    Employees in Training – Children in School and those reinventing themselves (previously known as, ‘being on the dole’)

4.    Employment Status Impaired Employees

a.     Sick, recently injured or some form of ability impairment), each status will be appointed a case manager to make sure they are suitably well looked after as per the company’s standards and policies.  An unlimited sick leave policy will be available.

Retired Employees

Retired Employees (All age pensioners) would be given a very nice one off super payment of $250,000 and $40k per year tax free (in fact tax will no longer need to exist).     They will pay no tax and every form of licensing, registration utility, medical or pharmaceutical requirement will be paid by the company.    The reason for this is that the company will ask people to work until 65 (no older) and if their service is continuous, they will reward them handsomely and do everything in their power to assure them of a happy retirement.  Naturally the company will continue to provide everything they were entitled to for free when they were active employees up until the day of their passing.

Worker Salaries

All workers will be paid according to their role held within the company, as the company will provide most things for free; there will be no need for excessively large salaries.

Australia Pty Ltd Vs Great Britain in Sport & Worldwide Competition

Although England will now own Australia rather than be a rival of it, organizers of the Australian reclamation and the British Government do not want the spirit of competition between the 2 entities to diminish or disappear.

It is hoped that all sporting battles between England and Australia will always be full of vigor and competed at the highest level.

As Australia will no longer be a country, active employees of Australia Pty Ltd will be able to compete at the Commonwealth Games, World Championships and Olympic Games under the ‘Great Britain’ banner.

Australia Pty Ltd active employees will have fully paid sports leave for training and competition and all costs will be fully refundable by the company, as long as they provide receipts.

Nuclear Power Plants

Once the transition to British ownership is complete, construction of 14 Small Modular Nuclear Power Stations will commence at strategic locations across Australia Pty Ltd.   Construction should start no later than the 1st week of May 2024.

Onshore Gas Reserves

All gas reserves will be released for use within Australia Pty Ltd immediately once the ink has dried on the transition completion paperwork.

Company Profits.

·        50% of all net profits from Australia Pty Ltd will retained by the British Owners.

·        The other 50% will go into making Australia Pty Ltd a better company to work for.

There will only be 2 types of goods or services available within Australia Pty Ltd.

1.    Goods or services made by or provided by Australia Pty Ltd or

2.    Goods or services not available in Australia.

Employee Holidays

·        All employees will be entitled to 8 weeks annual leave per year

·        All employees will have unlimited sick and/or impairment leave subject to their case officers approval.

·        All employees will travel free during their holiday periods but their holidays will be limited to within the borders of Australia Pty Ltd. (all forms of travel, accommodation and airport parking etc, anything related to enabling of their holidays)

Non Australian Holidays and travelling around the world.

Every employee is entitled to two around the world trips during their full employment term.  This wonderful benefit is available from the time an employee finishes initial training, up to 5 years after they retire.   Naturally, all costs for these holidays will be at company expense.   You will be provided with a company credit card for the duration of your approved around the world holiday (maximum duration is 90 days).

If employees are addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Drug addicted employees will not be made to feel any different to regular employees; the only difference will be that their roles will be restricted.   Constantly Drug/Alcohol Affected Employees (CDAAE) will be given tasks that they can do safely, ‘experiencing external influence to the brain’.

The even better news for all CDAAE employees is that illegal drugs will all be taken over by the company’s pharmaceutical team and completely safe to use but equally effective free prescriptions will be offered for whatever type of drug effect you desire.   The last thing that the company wants is that employees die or become permanently hindered by the overuse of a drug that does not meet the company’s strict quality standards.

CDAE employees will clean other company employee’s houses, mow their lawns, walk their dogs, brush their cats, clean and wash their cars, paint their fences etc. 

CDAAE employees will be paid a standard $33k per year but will be subject to drug usage monitoring. 

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