Brain Training for Pollies

Brain Training for Bad Behaving Pollies.

pollies behaving badly

If you are a regular reader of healthisrock articles, you would have learnt about shape-shifting parrots with the ability to take on the appearance of human politicians via my article titled, ‘Energy Avoidance Syndrome Virus’  

What I never mentioned in this article is that shape shifting pollies also possess the ability to change their minds and thought patterns constantly.  

Another fascinating fact that we’ve learnt about Shape Shifting parrots that have made Australia their home is that they will completely obey anyone wearing green coloured clothing.

As you would expect, the wearing of green clothing in all official sittings of parliament has been banned and federal authorities have now thankfully developed a way of accurately identifying these shape shifting parrots and they have now all been removed from the federal and state political circuits.

They are typically friendly creatures though and as you’ll read in this article, they can be domesticated and trained to obey humans that are not wearing green clothing.

Australians have actually developed a love for these parrots and they are now affectionately now referred to as, ‘Pollies”. 

Pollies can often make excellent pets, and with a little training, they can be sweet, devoted companions who will provide you with numerous hours of entertainment.  

If you’re like many Australians who have recently acquired a pollie, you’ve probably encountered a few behavioural challenges, but don’t worry, healthisrock is here to assist.  

You can quickly alter and improve the behaviour of your pollies.  It is also possible to unlock latent intellect and common sense within your pollies brain, resulting in a more obedient, less troublesome pollie for your family.   

If you choose our deluxe package, we can even offer you with tools to help your pollie become better at talking and an overall more enjoyable pollie to be around.

We are now offering three levels of pollie training systems, priced according to your needs.   Our proprietary pollie training system took us 102 years to perfect and will work on both species of pollies (Statecacas & Federalcacas).

If you follow our program exactly, feed your pollie correctly, and exercise it on a regular basis, you’ll be well on your way to an amazingly well-behaved, more intelligent pollie that obeys your every instruction.

Be aware of fake pollie training programs.

Other fraudulent pollie training programs accessible on the internet fail to engage your pollie on a high enough cerebral level and do not adequately build its need to help improve the quality of life for their human owners.

Pollies will never develop properly if they are not exposed to the proper amount of mental stimulation and correct training techniques.   A bad acting pollie is one of the most excruciating things a person may experience.

The truth is that subjecting your pollie to a fake training program can render it unsuitable for being near humans.   

It is critical that your pollie be trained exclusively by an authorized expert.  

Fake pollie trainers simply do not appreciate the significance of only ever exposing humans to well-behaved pollies.   

Hundreds of cases of pollies causing emotional and mental harm to humans have been reported throughout the years, which is obviously unacceptable.

The geographical, socio-economical, and political surroundings in which your pollie was raised can influence how your pollie perceives humans.  

If your pollie is misbehaving, it is vital that we address the underlying source of the problem. Our methods will assure that your pollie will never again bite, chew, complain about other pollies, or talk spin.

The top 10 Signs that your pollie requires brain training:

1.     Your pollie is not listening to you.

2.    Your pollie is doing the opposite of your instructions.

3.    Your pollie is blaming other pollies for its issues constantly.

4.    Your pollie starts pulling on the leash when you are walking it near parliamentary buildings or political offices.

5.    Your pollie only knows how to be reactive is never interested in being proactive towards improving the betterment of humans or the planet.

6.    Your pollie is sticking their nose into things that they shouldn’t.

7.    Your pollie is chewing on your wallet/purse.

8.    You’re becoming increasingly frustrated with your pollie.

9.    You’re pollie is going around squawking promises to humans that it has no intentions or the ability of keeping.

10. Your pollie is walking around aged care centres promising everyone it comes into contact with a nurse within 12 months.

The driving force behind our pollie training program.

The science, foundation, and driving reason behind our certified pollie training technique is simple: addressing misbehaving pollies before they cause too much harm.   You may have heard about our discovery of stupidodumbicity, a dreadful illness that can occasionally grow within a pollies brain.

It’s a debilitating illness for your pollie, and it’ll make any human around it miserable.     If your pollie develops stupidodumbicity, you must immediately enrol it in our program, which includes a scientifically devised nutrition, exercise, mental stimulation, and training regimen.   

If you do not, your pollies brain will begin to function too far to the left or right, and in certain situations, a pollies brain may begin to become green and will no longer be responsive to acquiring new knowledge and will become untrainable.

The better trained your pollie is, the better it is for you.

It makes perfect sense if you think about it. A more intelligent and better behaving pollie has the capacity to perform some good in this world and make you and your family happy owners.  A well training pollie will take commands easier and understand what you need from it.

During our time as pollie trainers, we’ve only encountered a few pollies who couldn’t be appropriately trained or re-trained to fit in with society.   Unfortunately, these pollies are dangerous to humans and must be relocated to our retirement facility, which is surrounded by 15 metre high concrete walls to ensure they are completely isolated from humans.   These pollies will spend the rest of their lives alongside other pollies in similar situations.  

Retired pollies who live in our facilities are content.   You can come out and visit our facilities and observe our collection of pollies from the safety of our observation towers twice a week, on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:00 to 11:45 a.m.  

You’ll love observing them playing in our mock parliamentary playground.   It’s hilarious watching them as they form two main groups and complete against each other.   You’ll burst out laughing when you hear them squawk, “Mr Speaker, let me be very clear and take this window of opportunity to inform everyone about how dysfunctional and poorly those in opposition are performing.”

Children find it incredibly amusing to listen our retired pollies speak in riddles, create verbal circular references and generally talk in spin.  

Taking your children to a pollie retirement facility is a fantastic learning tool for parents to utilise on their children, “See kids, this is what can happen if you don’t eat your vegetables.”

Is it possible to get bird insurance for problem pollies?

some pollies are very bad behaving

Wow, bad behaviour by ‘pollies’ is becoming unbearable.   Every time we turn our TV on, there’s a naughty pollie, doing all sorts of horrible stuff.   We’ve all heard stories about mischievous ‘pollies’ who irritate people with their flip-flopping antics and wishy-washy remarks. But can you get bird insurance for these ‘pollie’ miscreants? Unfortunately, the answer is no; while some progress has been made with bird insurance becoming available under the banner of exotic pet insurance, no one on this planet considers a ‘pollie’ exotic.

While we may wish for some sort of coverage to protect us from the chaos caused by certain pollies, insurance companies rarely offer policies that are tailored to our horrendously annoying pollie woes. They typically concentrate on more traditional types of coverage such as cat, dog, health, property, and auto insurance.

So it appears that we will have to resort to other means to deal with these misbehaving pollies. There are a few ways to try and mitigate the harm pollies do while we wait for some insurance company to be bold or crazy enough to insure tax paying citizens against ridiculous pollie behaviour, whether it’s through expressing our frustrations at the voting booth or voicing our concerns through ringing up our favourite talkback radio channel and sharing our stories with the rest of our country.

But who knows what the future will bring? Perhaps one day there will be a specialised “pollie problems” insurance package that will cover all of the havoc caused by these wild creatures in cities like Canberra. We’ll just have to navigate the pollie-infested landscape with a sense of humour and a healthy dose of scepticism until then.   When you consider that a single bad pollie has the potential to cause billions of dollars in damage, the monthly premiums on any future policy would surely be prohibitively expensive.

Yes, once we let a pollie out of the cage and give it a massive cheque book to play with, pollies will strangely go out of their way to have a significantly negative impact on the good hearted people who set them free.   Every two years, pollie hospitals are often overcrowded with hundreds of pollies who have completely exhausted themselves from squawking spin at anyone who will listen.   Because it is difficult to predict how much naughty pollies truly want to wreak havoc on the world, it appears that insurance companies will never be able to offer high premiums to cover the potential for harm that pollies might cause.

It would be a very brave insurance company that would offer pollie insurance policies.   It would probably be easier if we only let pollies out of their cage for four years every eight years.   This way, vets and scientists can devote their time to rehabilitating any pollies who have gone berserk after being released from the ‘party in opposition cage’ and overstimulated while playing back-flipping word games with taxpaying humans.   If you or someone you know is aware of a good pollie insurance policy, please let us know and we’ll do our best to spread the word.

ASSOCIATED POST AND PAGES

Have you recently retired and looking for some ideas on what comes next?

We all age in different ways, and joint pain and decreased mobility can make getting older more challenging. The Mintonna Reviews Website might be exactly what you need if this describes you.   For those of us over 70, there are many better living tips and techniques.

If you’re considering downsizing or moving into a retirement or over 50/55 village, they also have a wealth of excellent information about housing options.

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